My Ramblings

DAYS 28-30 - Surprising surprises...

2006-03-07T22:26:00.000-08:00

So I just took another test today. There has to be some adverse effect to the amount that me and my buddies over in the science building have to study. Is someone looking into this?

So what did the last 3 days of my "Surprise me God" faith experiment have in store? Honestly, just more of the same stuff that the previous 27 days had thrown at me. It's interesting though. I've been lucky enough to live for 21 years without being around much death. Thirty days ago I started Surprise me God and for the last 20 days or so death has roamed throughout my life through one medium or another. My parents pastor passed away the second week of February. The following week I lost my granddaddy. On the day of Granddaddy's funeral I was told of Reggie's passing. I learned last Sunday that one of my mom's good friends and mentor is hopitalized at the age of 80ish and not doing well, and yesterday I heard of a good friend/old roommates mother who passed away early Monday morning, also of cancer.

Thirty days ago I wouldn't have guessed that many of my surprises would concern death and the host of feelings and realizations that come along with it, but here I sit, facing the brutal honesty that death is real. It's real and it's not something that many people don't have to experience a great deal of for 21 straight years. I don't know what that means. I've been told that it was a blessing to have two sets of living grandparents for so long and that not having to experience such lossess is a blessing as well. I certainly don't argue with that, but I wonder, is it just as much of a blessing to experience these things? I would love to drive back to Wichita Falls for spring break and be able to hang out with Granddaddy and laugh at his jokes and think deeply through the mysteries of the Bible with him again. I know Reggie's daughter so would have wanted her father to be at her wedding, and I know that my friend would turn back time to spend another day with his mother if only he could. But, wierd though it may sound, I feel blessed despite of the losses. I feel blessed to know that eternity is so real, to know that we are fragile and life IS short, and that this demands us to live it well and fully. I feel blessed to be wiser in the truths of life, which sadly and unmistakably includes death. Most of all, I feel blessed to know that death has no hold on us in Jesus Christ; that the cross did away with death's sorrow. It's been two and a half weeks since Granddaddy passed away and "though the sorrow did last for a time" there were so many times of joy in my day today. Soon the joy of Christ will again overcome the sorrow that my friend is no doubt experiencing. He's actually engaged. How's that for Joy?

Life's a funny thing. It's real. I don't really know if I can sum up anything from the last thirty days other than the fact that life is also a journey. Like any good roller coaster it has ups and downs. Maybe we can learn something from the roller coaster though. After all, going down has always been my favorite part of the ride, the most giving to my need for excitement. I think life is the most giving to my hunger for Christ and my understanding of Him when I'm "down." Don't get me wrong. I love it when I'm on top in life, but I get comfortable up there, and with comfort comes complacency and apathy. I guess I'll make the most of my "down" times. They'll come again becauase they're a part of the journey that lasts much more than 30 days. So surprise me God...be it "down" or "up."

DAY 26-27 - Revisited

2006-03-04T23:54:00.000-08:00

I picked up a book that I had finished about a year ago and just started reading it again. Have you ever done this? It's crazy how much you can forget; how much GOOD stuff you can't even recall reading in the first place. God, if You want, You can surprise me with a photogenic memory tomorrow. I wouldn't mind.
I'll be brief tonight because I'm tired and 8 am comes quick when you've yet to fall asleep at 2. Here's a little something from that book that has come as a surprise to me before, but I think I may have pushed to the back of my mind. Something tells me this applies to a lot of us here in the Bible belt:

"The very scary thing about religion, to me, is that people actually believe God is who they think He is. By that I mean they have Him all figured out, mapped out, and as my pastor, Rick, says, 'dissected and put into jars on a shelf.' You've got a bunch of Catholics in Rome who think one way about God, and a bunch of Baptists in Texas who think another, and that isn't even the beginning. It goes on and on like this and it makes me wonder if God created us in His image or if we created Him in ours." -Donald Miller

I like that last sentence. How often do I make God who I need Him to be, and not truly seek after who He IS. No one's exempt. I wonder how far we ALL really are off from the truth. The book of Revelation mentions the angels that fly around Him FOREVER singing praises. I wonder, is this because every time they go around God gives them some new glimpse, some new perspective, on Himself? In their awe and wonder they continue singing and fly around for another look. I don't know. It would make sense though. God, surprise me with another "look" at who You really are, and PLEASE don't let me EVER believe that I have you all figured out.

DAY 25 - So Soon?

2006-03-02T22:38:00.000-08:00

I think I just experienced my surprise of the day.
As I was signing on to blog I realized that I only have 5 days left! Whoa. Where'd the time go? This brings up something that we hear often, but I think it's one of those things that you only truly realize every once and a while. Life is short. Think about it. This is more than some cheesey slogan that tries to motivate you to "play hard" or "seize the day." Life really is short. It seems like only yesterday we started this faith experiment and here I find myself at blogging for Day 25. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 11 months now...really?! That seems so crazy because it feels like it was only yesterday that we were enduring through all the "get to know you" awkwardness and all the other fun stuff that comes along with a new relationship. In my mind it must have been just a few days ago that Steph and I were getting back into town from my sister's wedding in Iowa and dropping my granna off at her house. There we were entertained by my granddaddy who was watching t.v. while he waited for his bride to get home safely. He had a host of jokes and funny things to say about his week alone in Wichita, doing everything that Granna wouldn't let him do while she was around. The truth is that that was January 1, 2006, and now Granddaddy has passed away. Where does the time go? This must mean that I enjoy my life; that though each day may bring its problems and situations that I have to overcome, as a whole, things are good and so time flies by. Life is short. Thanks for that surprise, God. But, please, don't let my life seem so short that I forget to slow down and find You. Don't let me forget to just STOP sometimes and enjoy the moments that make life what it is. The moments that You give us. I guess this goes full circle with my realizations from last week that we should make every day everything that it can be. I hope I'm not contradicting myself here, but rather, that I'm coming about the same conclusion via two different roads. Now I'm just thinking myself in circles and getting tired in the process. Thanks for life God...I'll just leave it at that.

DAYS 23-24 - Thanks Dad

2006-03-01T21:50:00.000-08:00

I must be brief.
I've got a physics test tomorrow that I still don't possess the knowledge of two chapters for. Eeeeeeek. (yeah, I just typed that). As you may have guessed, this is also the reason that I am yet again blogging for more than one day. Yesterday included studying, studying, and a little more studying.

So on to today...
I have to admit. My dad has always been the kind of guy that doesn't wear his feelings on his shoulder. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that he probably doesn't wear his feelings at all. They usually remain tucked away somewhere that is out of sight for anyone not REALLY looking. As you may know if you've been reading my blog, my granddaddy passed away a little over a week ago now. This is significant yet again because granddaddy was my dad's father so last week my dad's feelings weren't tucked away as usual. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't a wreck or anything like that. Dad's a strong man. I guess that comes with 30+ years as a police officer which included time in just about every "job" that cops carry out. He was, however, more transparent than usual.
Today as we talked on the phone he told me to check out the Times Record News' (Wichita Falls newspaper) website and check out the letters to the editor because he "may" have written one. Honestly, I assumed that he had written a letter nailing them for mispelling "Wichita Falls" in a paper from one day last week while me and my sister were at home. We had all gotten quite a kick out of the fact that our local newspaper couldn't even spell the city which they're located in and write for correctly. No surprise there though. They've made countless silly mistakes over the years. I guess it happens. I GUESS. Anyway, I went to the website and checked it out. Surprise. Dad had written a "goodbye" letter to my granddaddy thanking him for everything that he had been to dad and my aunt and uncles. He also thanked all of the people who have been so great to and for our family over the last week. It was great to read some of the things that Dad had written, and to see a side of hime that I don't get to often. He's a pretty cool guy and I'm proud to say that he's my dad.
Thanks God for an amazing family. Thanks for physics too....I GUESS.

DAY 22 - Mercy

2006-02-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

Today began just like any other day I suppose. Except for the fact that my girlfriend happened to call at nine am and proceed to take my AM donut breakfast order...surprise, and a good one at that. Two glazed donuts and a hug and I was off to school. I won't mention the apple fritter crumbs that were left on my bed....Stephanie.

Mercy 1:
I arrived just in time for my ten o'clock only to find my classmates walking down the stairs of the science building. What? Dr. Dose cancelled organic chemistry? Now, this may not come as a surprise to those of you who's lives haven't been privy to a Dr. Dose course, but rest assured, surprise it was, and a BIG one at that. This just doesn't happen every day. As a matter of fact, it has NEVER happened....Ever.

Mercy 2:
I have a scheduled physics exam tomorrow that I'm supposed to be ready for. Shyeah...right. Lets just say that I'm a little bit behind, and in physics the words "a little bit" take on a whole new meaning. Have you ever been channel surfing and come across the Spanish channel? You perhaps feel a bit ambitious so you leave it on Telemundo and begin to try and pick up on what's being said only to find 5 minutes later that you no more know what's going on or being said than you know what the President ate for breakfast that morning! Maybe not that exact scenario, but you get my drift. Well, that's how I'm feeling about physics right now. Enter Mercy. Dr. Stephens (physics extraordinaire) let me know this afternoon as I struggled through trying to understand one of his explanations to a problem that I was free to take the test on THURSDAY as opposed to tomorrow if I preferred. WHAT?! Are you serious? He said he understood that last week was an "interesting" week and it would be perfectly fine to wait. Wow. Thanks Dr. Stephens, and surprise.

I love how God uses people. Now, am I saying that God MADE Dr. Dose sick today just for ME or that He MADE Dr. Stephens patient with MY circumstances. No, not really. Honestly, I can't say that I understand God well enough to know EXACTLY what He's doing up there all the time, but He did help to mold Dr. Stephens into a patient and understanding guy and those characteristics have been a part of my day's surprises. As far as Dr. Dose goes, well, who knows? All I can say for sure is that I got to catch up on copying some notes from class that I missed last week which means I was able to knock one more thing off of my "Things I Gotta Do to Get Caught Up" list. I guess what maybe I'm trying to say here is that today I just made it a point to make the most out of my surprises. Instead of being awe inspiring, they were work motivating. I'll take it God, and if that's not what You meant them to be, throw something at me and set me straight.

DAY 21 - Pheeeeew..........

2006-02-26T22:11:00.000-08:00

For those of you that may not understand my onomatopoeia ("pheeeeew"), it's that noise that you make after you've just done something exhausting. You know, that breath of air that you accent as you exhale that, in all truth, is nothing but an over exaggerated way of letting people know you're tired. Well that's what I was going for. So what have I done that was exhausting. Well, ummm....today. I was surprised at how much work it actually was to move our service (the gathering) over to our churches main campus for tonights combined service. PHEEEEEEEW! But it was awesome. God was good. People were supportive, and God was good. Yeah, I know I already mentioned that. To be brief, because I'm exhausted from a long day and need rest for a long day that's coming tomorrow, I was surprised today just at God. He's so good. I really can't wrap my mind around a God that never turns, or forsakes, or gives up on ME. It's awesome. I think I'll sleep on that tonight. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and it will all make sense. Nah, love that unconditional really doesn't. I guess that's why it's so revolutionary...so groundbreaking. I want to love like that God. So will You surprise me tomorrow, and keep working on making me more like You?

DAYS 19-20...

2006-02-25T23:53:00.000-08:00

Saturday's are great. Of all the days of the week, Saturdays are the most accommodating to my laziness. Maybe they're not great after all? I had a lot of things I could have been doing all day today, as I do most Saturdays, but it was drizzling outside, my bed was warm, and this week has been an irregularly long one. At least that was the excuse that came to mind as I woke up for the first time at 8:30. So in bed I laid, all morning as a matter of fact. Being in and out of sleep, I finally willed myself out from under the covers at 12:00. "Surprise me God," and away I went. Here's what the day brought:
Well shoot, I guess since I'm cheating again and blogging two days I should rewind to yesterday. It's simple really and so I'll explain Friday's surprise in one word. R-A-I-N. It was great and very much needed in this part of the world. Thanks God. Okay, back to today...I ran into a football coach from my high school in Wichita Falls. Random. He recognized me and we chatted for few outside of Best Buy. Turns out his son is coming to ACU next year to play football and so they were taking a recruiting visit and just passing some time and getting acquainted with Abilene. News flash Coach Garfield: "It's JUST LIKE Wichita Falls." I'm a math/science guy so here's how it looks in my head. WICHITA FALLS - (RAIN + TREES) = ABILENE. I wonder if they saw it that way? It was good to see and talk to Coach Garfield outside of the "football coach, student at high school" relationship we had had. He seems like a really great guy and was always one of my football buddies favorite coaches. Moving on...I bought a printer. Now, these things aren't cheap, but after milling around Best Buy for some time, acting like I was actually doing some wise shopping so as to make a smart buy, I found one. It's a beauty. I thought so anyway until I got home and began unpacking it only to find that there was no USB cable included!!! Really?! Turns out none of them come with cables anymore! This may tell you how long it's been since I bought a computer, but I don't care. I'm not ashamed. Can you really believe it though. Looking back it's really no surprise, but sometimes the extent to which capitalism reaches amazes me. Argh!
Ok, enough of that. Surprise number tres: GIRLS AND BOYS ARE WAAAAAAAAY DIFFERENT. I'm sure you guys know this, and it's no new surprise to me, but we really are. I mean, have you thought about this. It's amazing and perplexing and intriguing all at the same time. I think this is probably God's most creative art work. Crazy. It's so good though all at the same time. The way that we compliment each other is so perfect. I don't know. I really can't completely wrap my mind around this yet. After all, I'm only 21 and 1/2 years old. I'm still in grade school when it comes to this subject so I'm going to leave it alone here. Thanks God for making life's mysteries so enjoyable. Thanks for being surprising every day.

-brad(ley)

DAYS 16, 17, & 18

2006-02-23T21:55:00.000-08:00

I'm so cheating with this more than one day at a time stuff. Sheesh. Truth be told; I knew I wouldn't blog much until about today. I prayed though...a lot. And God gave surprises yet again. It's amazing how frequent they are when we're looking for them right?
The last three days have been....new. I've never lost someone so close before (my grandaddy just passed away Sunday night). I know the grieving process is different for everyone and for every circumstance, but it's been so good. Don't get me wrong. It's not good in the sense of "I want to do this again," but rather that it has shown me a little bit of how God heals broken hearts. It makes the "God of All Comfort" stuff in 2Corinthians so real....imagine that. I've always known that I am blessed to be in such a wonderful family. We Barham's are interesting to say the LEAST, but we really are a family. To portray what I'm trying to say I'll share this: With a death also comes the added burden of things like funeral preparations, planning, legal stuff, and paying...and it's not really all that cheap. Well, Tuesday afternoon as my granna walked up to the desk in the funeral home and offered her credit card to the attendant she was told to put it away. "You aren't going to be needing that," the clerk said, "everything has already been paid for." An undisclosed family member had taken care of everything....everything. Granna cried. I wasn't there so I've heard the story second hand, but even as I heard it I felt the weight of THAT side of death in the family being lifted off of her shoulders. Family. Thanks for blessing granna "undisclosed family member" and God bless you.
I learned something else. Those that will miss my grandfather reach out into the community much farther than Barham households. My parents are members at the same church as Granna and Grandaddy so I've been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of candy from Grandaddy's coat pocket every Sunday. First United Methodist Church, Wichita Falls is no small undertaking. The sanctuary is LARGE, and this brings me to Wednesday's surprise of note. As I walked in with the rest of our family I was so humbled at the number of people that came to celebrate Grandaddy's life. It was moving to know that he had touched so many. God, I came to a funeral to mourn and you blessed me. I'm so proud to be able to say that I was and will forever be J.B. Barham's grandson. I got to work with him over a summer and be in church with him weekly as a kid. I got to hear jokes and look into the stands at soccer games and see him there, supporting me. I got to put Christmas lights on his house and hear his sarcastic remarks (so that's where I got the sarcasm). I'm blessed, and not that that SHOULD be a surprise. I should realize that every day, but I don't, and that's my fault, so thanks for showing me to the lengths that Your blessings extend God. I'm sorry that I've rambled. These are the words that flowed out of my fingers tonight. There's so much more I could share because God was so good this week. How is it that He's so good when things seem to be so bad? Amazing.
I know there are so many in Abilene at Pioneer Drive who are experiencing these same feelings. God, surprise them and me all over again. Be good when things seem bad. I guess I'm just asking You to be Yourself, or perhaps to open my eyes to You doing just that. To those who are mourning through Reggie's death, hear these words. God gave them to me and they've sustained me through the week. They've been truth in confusion and comfort in unrest:

"Surrounded by Your shadow
Every need I have is met
When I'm waiting in Your presence
Every fear is put to rest
You belong to me and I belong to You
Nothing will ever come my way
That You won't see me through

I delight in the beauty of Your holiness
Because I won't find a love like Yours
In all the earth

In the quiet of Your chambers
The love I feel is made complete
In the mercy You have granted
I will rest for all eternity
You belong to me and I belong to You
Nothing will ever come my way
That You won't see me through

I delight in the beauty of Your holiness
Because I won't find a love like Yours
In all the earth
Because I won't find a face like Yours
In all the earth"

-Jason Morant

DAY 15 - Surprises Abound

2006-02-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

So I thought that maybe those last eight posts (Day 7-14) would somehow justify my not posting for eight days? The up arrows are pretty cool right? I thought so. My lack of posts don't mean my days have been void of surprises though...trust me, and believe it or not I've remembered most of them. This last week found me waiting for the sun to come up two nights in a row, and by "waiting" I mean pulling all nighters getting ready for a genetics and an organic chemistry test which my teachers were sweet enough to put back to back. Yeah, thanks. I literally spent all day Thursday getting ready for a Disciple Now I got to lead worship at this weekend, except the time I spent in class and traveling to Stephenville for my MCAT class ofcourse. Aside from the 2:30 in the morning static electric shock I received as I grabbed the gas nozzle after filling up my car (which could have lit me ablaze and burnt me to a crisp) the week was pretty normal in the surprise category. Oh, there was the drive back from Stehenville Thursday night though. I was frustrated (as usual after that class) and driving while my girlfriend Stephanie (she's the beautiful redhead in the funny picture I put in this post) rode in the passenger seat. She's not so keen on driving the two lane, no shoulder, windy, hilly farm to market on the way to I-20 so, being the macho man that I am, I typically jump behind the wheel for that 45 mile stretch. Why was she with me anyway you ask? Because she's really super cool and probably the most supportive girl ever...ever. I'm kinda in the middle of somewhat of a diabolical academic undertaking so she drives me to that class every Tuesday and Thursday so I can study on the way. She pretty much rocks. Anyway, I was frustrated and she knew it so we were sitting in silence just listening to music. Well, it would have seemed that we were just sitting. She was praying for me and I knew it. I could feel it, really. Have you ever considered the power of prayer? Do you believe it? Do you believe that God can still make walls fall and seas split. Do you think He can still raise the dead or give site to the blind. Prayer is an amazing thing. Now I know that I didn't flat line while I was driving and we didn't fly off the road only to be mysteriously returned because of her prayers, but I felt a peace come over me that was nothing I could have done by myself. By the way, she didn't tell me she was praying. I just felt it. It wasn't until later that I asked her that it was actually confirmed. Coincidence? Shyeah...right.
Now this brings me to the weekend which was only a period after the grueling compound sentence that was my week. Like I said, I got to go lead worship for a youth group's DNow. The youth minister just so happened to be one of my best friends from college so I was pumped to get to go do it. It was amazing. God is so, so good...no surprise there. Friday night after the service I got to drive to Stephenville (got there at 1:40 am) so that I could get up at 7 the next morning and spend the duration of the day being beaten through a practice MCAT test. Wow...that was tough. God, are you sure I heard You right on this doctor thing? Anyway, after the exam which ended at 3:30 = 7 and 1/2 hours of testing, I headed back to Sherman to play for the Saturday night service of the DNow. It went great, and God was good all over again...NO SURPRISE THERE. And then the surprises began:
Now, I've fought with myself all day long on whether or not to blog this so bear with me in a paragraph or two of complete transparency...because honestly God, and I'm just being honest, I really feel like I could have done without these few "surprises." I didn't mention that my parents showed up in Stephenville to drive me to Sherman under the cloak of "we want to help you with your driving because we know how tired you are after this week, and besides, the weather is really bad and the jeep handles icy conditions better than your honda." Well my parents are amazing, and no doubt these really were legitimate and real reasons, but I learned the MAIN reason saturday night after we were heading back to I-20 to pick up my car. My dad informed me that they (he and mom) wanted to drive up to let me know in person that grandaddy (his dad) had taken a turn for the worst on Thursday afternoon. To make a long story short, my grandaddy had been put under Home Hospice Care on Friday afternoon and given an estimated month to six weeks to live...SURPRISE. For the next hour or so I let what dad had just told me sink in and we decided that next weekend I'd come in and see grandaddy. I was really looking forward to it. You'd have to have known the guy to understand. He could have been the funniest old guy on earth...really. I can't tell you how many times he'd tell me that he was the best thing that ever happened to Granna (for those of you that don't know, that's Barham family lingo for "grandmother"). Ofcourse I would respond with some statement of disbelief only to be prodded my him to go ask her. Sure enough, Granna would smile, knowing exactly what was going on, and say high school girlishly, "Well HE is ofcourse." Anyway, I got a call from dad last night around 12:30. He was crying and let me know that my Grandaddy had passed away earlier that night....Surprise. I didn't get to see him again, and that's tough to deal with as it settles in. God's showing me that we're not invincible. I'm a biology major who wants to be a doctor. You'd think I'd understand this, but it doesn't really make sense until well, last night. I decided to let you guys in on this so that you'll make it a point to enjoy the day tomorrow. Wake up early and watch the sun come up and call loved ones and let them know that you love em. Smile a lot and don't let silly stuff like school get too heavy. It's really not in the scheme of things, and God has a way of putting stuff into perspective. Thanks God. I miss my grandaddy and I wish I would have been able to see him on Saturday, but I guess he was in a hurry to get home. My aunt said that he smiled as he closed his eyes and passed away. I wonder what that silly old guy was smiling at? I guess my day will come sometime and I'll be surprised with the answer to that question too, but for now...I'm gonna enjoy going to genetics lab and doing a fly experiment with my trusty sidekick who knows nothing about any of it...she probably doesn't even know I'm going to make her go. It's school work and it's 10:45, but I really am going to enjoy it...I promise. Thanks Grandaddy. Thanks God. You guys enjoy each other.
-brad(ley)

DAY 14 - (See Day 15)

2006-02-20T19:06:00.000-08:00

DAY 13 - (See Day 15)

2006-02-20T19:05:00.000-08:00

DAY 12 - (See Day 15)

2006-02-20T19:02:00.000-08:00

DAY 11 - (See Day 15)

2006-02-20T18:58:00.000-08:00

DAY 10 - (See Day 15)

2006-02-20T18:55:00.000-08:00

DAY 9 - (See Day 15)

2006-02-20T18:52:00.000-08:00

DAY 8 - (See Day 15)

2006-02-20T18:37:00.000-08:00

DAY 7 - (See Day 15)

2006-02-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

DAY 6 - Burrrrr...

2006-02-12T00:38:00.000-08:00

Today it was cold in Abilene, Tx. Now this may seem normal considering it's February, but as all of us here in Abilene know, cold has certainly been anything BUT "normal" here this winter. So I guess that qualifies as a surprise. I'll take it, because other than that today was just a Saturday. More of me being what feels unproductive. There is always something good that comes on Saturday though. Set-up and rehearsal. Yeah, I said it, and I meant it too. Minus the OCCASIONAL exception, this is one of my favorite things of the week. ( By the way, I'm talking about set-up and rehearsal for the Gathering if you were a bit confused.) It's so great to go somewhere and be surrounded by people who have hearts to serve. There's no money involved for most. There's certainly no fame, and honestly, there's not nearly enough credit given to them for the jobs that they do. There's just one motive: Jesus Christ. The love Him. They love Him a lot, and they believe that what goes on at the Gathering honors Him and is for the soul purpose of making His name famous. I believe it. Everyone's backgrounds are different, writing a library of stories, and I'm sure there are theological differences here and there, but Jesus is still Jesus, and that's what matters to those who come to serve so willingly and so faithfully. I was today and will remain being surprised every Saturday. But it's not surprise due to the fact that people show up. Thinking about Christ and who He was and is only leaves me with one word when thinking about people responding to serve Him...DUH!!! It's a given. The surprise comes in when I see the faithfulness with which they serve Him. There's belief there, and it makes me happy. Bless you guys.

DAY 5 - Sunshine...AND Rain???

2006-02-11T12:09:00.000-08:00

I know, I know...
Here I am a day late yet again. Well, blog reader, the post is here none the less. That's an accomplishment for me. I mean, I'm not trying to put the cart before the horse here because I know full well that this is merely day 5 of 30, but you gotta understand, I've just never been into this blogging stuff. I have always been a journaler though, so I guess it's not all that much different. Ok, YOU WIN. Wow, I just beat myself in an argument (if you could call it that). Amazing.
So why am I late yet again you're wondering? Because yesterday was, well, personal. Don't take that to heart blog reader, it's just that...well, you may not want to know me that well. Let's just say that I really wanted to quit doing what I'm doing and just give up. Ever have one of those days? They've gotten more frequent with me this semester it seems...
Enter sunshine and rain. Did you get to experience this wherever you were in Abilene yesterday? Amazing!!! I love nature and weather, and I think it's amazing. I gotta tell you though. It really put me in quite a quandary with what music to listen to in the car while driving back and forth across town. You see, the weather and my mood typically determine what beats will be spinning as I drive, so naturally, yesterday morning as I left to go to school and met the rain (no sunshine yet) Coldplay was the natural choice. What other than good Brit rock does rain demand? The answer is nothing my friend...nothing at all. You can only imagine my dismay in getting out of class to find that it was still raining somewhat, but what's this?! Sunshine too?! Now, I know this isn't some cataclysmic event, but you have to admit that it really doesn't happen often. It was beautiful, and it made me forget about quitting and giving up. It made me realize that I'm small and God is beautiful, and BIG. I mean, He can make it rain AND still be sunny. I'd like to see you do that blog reader. Really I would. So today I'm going to tread on, and I'm going to walk in the truth that God isn't in the business of making my life crappy, but rather to give me hope and a future. That may not be realized completely today or tomorrow, or by the end of this semester, but I have a feeling God's got me where I am for a reason. It kinda goes back to that "He's bigger than me and can do stuff like make it sunny and rain at the same time," stuff. I enjoyed it God. You can send that weather anytime.

DAY 4 - Typical...

2006-02-09T23:53:00.000-08:00

Today was a simple day really...
Had you run into me, you would have found that I was going through the normal business of a Thursday. This typically, today not excluded, includes getting up to school entirely too early to finish up my physics homework before class, and finish it I DID (that's always a relief with physics). Next was class, then lunch, then try to study before hitting the road to Stephenville. No surprises really, but a good day. A good, typical day. I'll take it! I just kinda realized as I typed that that to a lot of people a typical day is probably anything but good. At least, "good" in the sense of the word as I perceive it. No surprise there. I have been blessed beyond any measure that I deserve. Thanks God. You never fail to amaze. Here's something to chew on that seems pretty applicable to my life right now. Maybe it will surprise YOU and be applicable in yours...

"So keep on coming, these lines on the road. And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load.
Keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise, as I walk with grace, my feet, and faith my eyes."

Goodnight.

DAY 3 - REALLY, it is

2006-02-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

My dog averages about 15-20 more minutes of sleep per night. I know this becauase I let him in at night as I am getting ready for bed, and EVERY night he is passed out on his bed as soon as I'm getting in mine. And getting in mine isn't followed by sleep, but instead by reading and, as this month goes, my blogging. I'm a night guy so this is when I am the most awake. The fact that I'm about to go to sleep conflicts drastically with this, I know, but I didn't make me. I just accept who I am.
I really like this surprise me thing. Thanks Mr. Esau. I believe that, more than anything else, it's going to open our eyes to God's everyday "surprises." You know, the little stuff like the realization of how great most of us here have it, or of how cool it is that we have friends and a church family who are on this journey together. Don't get me wrong. I fully expect that God can and may throw huge surprises at us. In fact, He already has to an extent based on testimony I got to hear tonight, but something tells me that MY journey will be more about the little stuff. That's the stuff that I let my busy schedule blind me of. Thanks for a little stuff day God; no overly eventfull stories or circumstances, but a lot of under rated little stuff, all of which I truly enjoyed.

DAY 2 - Well, Sorta...

2006-02-08T18:59:00.000-08:00

I know, I know...
I'm exactly 18 hours, 39 minutes, and 43 seconds late posting day 2. Fear not, for all of yesterday's events remain ingrained in my head. I mean, it WAS only three quarters of a day ago. Ok, here goes...
I must begin with history of me, at least in a certain area: Music. I grew up around music. Whether it be church choir, listening to my mom/dad/sister play/attempt/learn the piano, it was always there. I've been playing guitar for something like 7 or 8 years now and been much involved in the music scene for just as long. I do my best to keep up and to surround myself with EVERY genre. Ok, that's a lie. There are certain musical "types" that I can't handle, but their names will not be mentioned to protect their reputations. I worked in a studio for about two years and continue to dabble in recording arts when I have the time. I say all of that to preface this: NO ONE EVER TOLD ME HOW MUCH BETTER IT IS WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED. Truly, I'm not kidding here. Today....excuse me....Yesterday, Hardin-Simmons students were treated to the Zambian Vocal Group during chapel. They're essentially a septet of Zambian men who sing acapella, and they sing well. Not only do they sing, but they make percussive noises with their voices, they occasionally let out a Zambian shriek (if that's what it was), and they do it all in rhythm and harmony with one another. They were really good. However, with your eyes closed it became more than music. It was rest and peace. It was spiritual, but still mortal. It was more than music. I have to be honest. I really don't know what that means, but it's not an attempt to be literate or anything. That's really what I felt. With my eyes open I got lost in who THEY were, but with my eyes closed it was different. It was everything I tried to say 5 or 6 sentences ago. Try it sometime. Put something musically dynamic on your ipod or in the tray of your cd player and sit back with your eyes closed. Forget what your listening to and listen. God spoke to me, and I wasn't ready for it to come in such a manner. God, I'm glad you surprised me like that yesterday...I think I'll listen with my eyes closed more often.

-brad(ley)

DAY 1

2006-02-07T00:46:00.000-08:00

Due to the fact that it's 12:37 in the AM and this is officially day two, I must be brief...
Normal monday. School. Pay bills. Staff meeting. Accountability. Study. Eat with girlfriend. Study. Why does such a simple list keep me up until 12:39? And why does 12:39 feel painfully late? I'm 21 years old, but I was ready for bed three hours ago. No surprise there, just a mystery. So enough fluff cause my body's tired and you, blog reader, don't want fluff. You want substance. So here it is....

God has put amazing people in my life who would time and time again look past my foolishness
and see straight to the core of who I truly am and desire to be. And by that I am tonight and will
always be surprised/blessed/humbled.

2006-01-18T12:39:00.000-08:00

This is the best blog ever created in the history of blogs. But alas, all of the credit must be attributed to my wonderful and perfect girlfriend.